In the spring of 1992 I met Frances McNeese in one of the
WordPerfect Computer classes which I taught at the Regional Training and
Development Complex in the continuing education department of Tyler Junior
College, Tyler, Texas. Frances took all three levels of the course with me
beginning in April 1992 and ending in June. My first real memory of Fran was the
day she tried to buy coffee from the vending machine in the lobby. It was a
Saturday and, of course, there was no one there to "fix" the machine. Fran got a
cup but no coffee. We were on break and I walked by just as she was pulling the
empty cup out of the vending slot. I took her into the teacher lounge--against
rules--and poured her a cup of coffee. I do remember that she looked at me the
whole time we were in the lounge. We returned to class and continued on.
A friend of Fran's, Charly Sarter--female--took the next round of classes with
me. The classes wrapped up in September 1992. The last class day, Charly told me
that she had a woman for me. I was just recently divorced for the second time
and had no intention of marrying a third time. I asked Charly who the woman was.
She said Frances McNeese. I remembered Fran because at that point in time she
was the only student who had sent me a "thank you" note, and, of course, that
triggered the coffee break memory. I asked what denomination she was. It was one
that was compatible with my beliefs. So I agreed to a date with Fran. Charly had
already spoken with Fran about our dating.
I knew from that moment on that this "moment in time" was going to lead to a
real relationship--I just knew!! Fran and I had a wonderful, short but full,
dating experience and we married on December 19, 1992, the Saturday after I got
out of the hospital where I had an angioplastie done the previous Tuesday. Fran
was 44 and I was 51.
We had our ups and downs just like any other couple, but I was always thrilled
to come home to my Fran, and she was just as eagerly awaiting me--unless I got
home first, of course. My oldest daughter Kathy gave us a male Lhasa Apso, and
Opie became the child that we did not have. We wrote hundreds of love notes to
one another. I wrote longer poems for Fran, and on the 19th of each month, I
made a pretty background in Print Shop and wrote a long statement of my feelings
for Fran and our relationship on the background. Fran loved these! Fran would "priss"
for me in the grocery store, tell me that she loved me as we were driving into
the city, bring coffee to the bathroom for me after my shower, and I did many
things for her also. Fran stuck by me when I finally had to have triple by-pass
surgery in 1996. I stuck by her when she had to have surgery in 97 and in 98. I
helped her take care of her Uncle Buddy who lived next door to us until he
passed away in October 98 with cancer.
Fran moved with me from her beloved East Texas to hot, dry, sandy West Texas
where we both worked for a Management Training Corporation in a federally
contracted prison. I taught; Fran ran the mailroom. We were doing great. Paid
off most of our bills, bought a Tahoe and were making $70 thousand per year
together. Then one day in September 2004 Fran fell and could not get up by
herself.
Fran had been taking very strong medication for her psoriactic arthritis and
psoriasis. Her doctor had allowed her to return to an injection medication that
she had taken before. We learned that this injection could cause MS, and it did.
However, when Fran continued to go down, down, down even after discontinuing the
injection, we aked her neurologist to do another study. This was in January
2006. Dr. L told us that the study showed one spot of MS but that was nothing
compared to what we were dealing wtih--Lou Gehrig's disease!!
I wanted to vomit when he told us. Fran cried out. She was a sportswoman and
knew all about Lou Gehrig. We were placed in the care of VistaCare Hospice in
Lubbock, Texas. They sent people to our home, provided us with a hospital bed,
medications, oxygen machine--the works. They were angels. Then on June 5th, 2006
the day the IPU unit of VistaCare opened in Lubbock, Texas, we entered IPU due
to Fran's rapid deterioration. The nurses and CNAs were grand. Will and Nadine
were very special to us. Will could make Fran smile. Nadine was very
compassionate. Dr. Pyrtle took good care of us. Lisa was the nurse with the most
experience in taking care of an ALS patient. Fran had hot flushes which one
doctor had called spinal cord syndrome. During these "flushes," her face and
neck would have large red hot spots on them. The only thing that helped was
putting cold wash cloths on the hot spots. One night about two weeks before Fran
passed away, the flushes were so bad, that Nadine had me dip wash cloths in ice
water; then she placed them on Fran's face and neck. Within seconds the cloths
were hot. We did this for about 30 minutes.
Finally the doctor put Fran on Sub-Q drip. He stated there was no need for her
to know that she was suffocating. Fran had served in the Army and had a strong
heart. Her heart held out until her lungs simply could not supply the needed
oxygen to the heart. On July 3rd, 2006 I finally went to my daughter Joy's home
in Lubbock where I slept soundly for the first time in many months. At 6:00 a.m.
July 4th, Nurses Lori and Kellie called me as agreed and told me that Fran was
passing quickly. Fran went to be with the Lord Jesus as I was driving back to
the hospice. When I got there, Lisa had removed all tubes. She asked If I wanted
time alone with Fran. I did. I touched her face which was cold; I ran my hand
over her shoulders and tummy. They were still warm. This was some comfort to me.
I wanted to kiss her on the cheek but did not. Wish now that I had.
Fran's two year battle was over. She at last was free from total paralysis
including swallowing and speech. She was a believer, so her soul and spirit went
to be with the Lord. Fran would have been 58 on October 31, 2006. I was 64 and a
widower. I had lost my soul mate, my best friend, my woman, and there was
nothing I could do to save her. I have since really been somewhat "lost" in my
life, but I am also a believer, and I am gradually getting past my grief and
finding my way again.
Ken Hoover, December 2, 2007
"Love, not reason, should make your decisions.." Adi Da Samraj
MGM
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